From isolation to belonging - from surviving to thriving, through connection and community
Until recently I lived my life with an instinctive need to isolate myself, to live on the edge of society wishfully looking in, yet unable to connect. As a young teenager I was moved into residential child care, it felt like I had been pulled out of society and dumped somewhere just to exist, to keep me alive but not to enable me to live. Many years on and that feeling had still not left me - but now I have found my community, or maybe they found me, and I finally feel like I belong. My life is unique, but my experiences are not. The experience of belonging is about connectedness through community, why should all care experienced people not be afforded this? – while we can argue about connection being a human right, is it?
Who are we?
Children in care are in the care of the state, our legal parent is the government. What if every adult thought of every child in care as their own child, their greatest asset, and held our government to account to provide each and every one of our children with the safety, security, and love they need to thrive? The number of adults in Scotland compared to the number of children in care provides a ratio of hundreds of adults in the general population for every single child in care. Could society being doing more to support our children? I know there are many layers to providing care, but from my experience finding a sense of connection and belonging has been life changing and my hope is for others to get the opportunity to experience this too. For me, being connected to others with care experience, and people who understand what care experience is, has allowed me to stop hiding away. I don’t have to talk about my care experience, but I also don’t have to hide it, I can step into society, it’s ok for me to be here, and it’s ok for me just to be me. If we can offer every care experienced person connection and belonging then, with a little effort we, society, could make such a massive difference to so many lives.
What do we need?
Organisations can build community. For me, a few years ago I dipped my toe into education. As a child in care, going to university wasn’t just unattainable for me, it was unthought of. As an adult I challenged myself to find a way to get the education I missed as a child and to find a way to get into university, which I did. In my first year I connected with an organisation called the Hub for Success, which supports care experienced people to get in, stay in, or return to further and higher education. They met me where I was, they didn’t try to change me but accepted me as I am and have walked alongside me ever since. Through this connection I became part of the care experienced community and found my sense of belonging. Being part of a community has opened doors for me to make further connections, and this year I joined CELCIS as a consultant with lived experience. For me, these connections have welcomed me into a community which has given me a sense of belonging, and the more my community grows, the deeper my sense of belonging grows too.
How can we all help each other?
There has been a ‘them and us’ dynamic that has disrupted the care system for far too long. Organisations like the Hub for Success and CELCIS have shown us how things can be different, and that by working in collaboration with people who have lived experience of care, positive change can happen. I know, given the opportunity, so many more care experienced people could benefit by being connected with good organisations like these across Scotland and elsewhere. Scotland must ensure organisations like these, and others working alongside people with care experience, are supported to continue to flourish and grow so they are not just here for us now, but can be there for the next generation of care experienced people too.
*Names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the author.
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