Family pictures on the wall and a strong sense of self – growing up in kinship care
Kinship care saved my life. As someone who lived in the care of my grandparents for most of my life, I say it with all my heart that I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without them.
The beauty of growing up in kinship care is knowing that you are still with your family and that you belong, something that I realise not everyone in care always feels. I have heard a lot of my peers talking about feeling like they didn’t belong, and that people cared for them but didn’t really love them like family. I had the privilege of never having to lie in bed wondering if I was loved, this was always affirmed to me.
The importance of feeling safe and loved can’t be underestimated for a growing child. Living with family also meant that I regularly saw my siblings and parents which went a long way in keeping me connected to my family even though I couldn’t live with them at that time. I believe that through my grandparents remaining neutral in family politics, they supported me to reconnect with family to rebuild the severed relationship with my parents. From my experience, I think it is crucial for kinship carers to remove their personal views of family members from conversations with children and to facilitate rebuilding bonds where it is safe to do so. Thanks to my grandparents doing this, I now have very strong and loving relationships with my parents which I rebuilt over time.
Being loved unconditionally by my grandparents taught me how safe and loving relationships with family should be and showed me models of what acceptable behaviour is. This was really important for me when rebuilding relationships with family as it helped me set boundaries and reconnect in a way that removed harmful behaviours.
Growing up in kinship care also meant that I had family pictures on the wall, telling the story of my childhood and a strong sense of self, as I had family who could fill in the blanks for me; something that not everyone in care has access to.
The benefits of children remaining in the wider family circle
Although in my opinion, kinship care is the optimal place for a child in care to be, it can be difficult to find suitable carers and homes for all children in care within their own families and support networks when they need this. As we know, intergenerational trauma can play a role in affecting the families needing support and becoming involved with the care system, so there may not always be suitable family members who can take on the demanding role and responsibility of looking after a child. It takes so much more than feeding and clothing to care for a child: it means loving, teaching, nurturing, playing and much, much more.
But kinship care is not suitable for everyone. Ensuring that children are able to remain in their families can be beneficial in so many ways but remaining in an environment where there are harmful behaviours can further traumatise children. There is also the challenge of some family members being loving but sometimes too old or frail to look after a young child – it’s a huge commitment. We know there are many factors which influence a child’s wellbeing and being able to deliver well-rounded care to a young person is crucial for their success and development.
My wish for the future of kinship care
For the future of kinship care, I would love to see whole family support which can help address some of the issues that arise through intergenerational trauma; to help the child, their carers and family grow together towards healthier relationships. I’d love to see more research with families, which explores where things are going well in kinship care, but also further teased out the challenges faced by our kinship families to drive improvement in the support they are offered.
To all kinship carers, I send my love to you all and thank you for stepping up when you are needed. You are amazing!
The views expressed in this blog post are those of the author and may not represent the views or opinions of CELCIS or our funders.
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